Thursday, 12 June 2014

changing my mind!

So my original goal was weightloss because I have a fat gut and I don't like it, BUT I also have an 8 year old daughter and she is increasingly aware of her own body changing. She is perfect of course but she sees me and my self loafing as my clothes fail to fit right or when I'm squishing my belly fat and feeling sad that I'll never again look like one of the girls from Ex on The Beach!

It's not healthy for me and it's absolutely not healthy for my pre teen daughter to see me hate myself so much especially when I look around at the other mums on the school playground at the end of the school day, in their summer dresses with their podgy bellies sticking out like mine, I look at them and I admire how they wear what they want despite it and how they don't really give two fucks what other people think of them.

When I think about myself in a rational way, I'm not really THAT fat, I mean okay I'm a little over weight and of course I do need to shed a bit of weight BUT I am also a mum of 3 children and my body had to change 3 times to carry them, feed them and take care of them, I neglected my own needs to be able to put them first, while they had a lovely healthy lunch I grabbed a handful of malteasers and a mouthful of cola between loading the washing machine and hoovering the post lunch dining room carpet!

I think that it is important to my daughter to see a woman who loves herself but also knows that she is not doing her best to be healthy. It's more appropriate for me to put focus on my health rather than my weight, so instead of saying, I'm so fat and crying over my size 12 jeans that no longer fit, I should be saying I'm too unhealthy and making a change to my diet so that instead of grabbing chocolate and cola and loading my body up on empty carbs and sugar I could be grabbing a handful of fruit or nuts and some water. I shouldn't be letting myself go so long between meals so that I go for the yummiest things I can find lol. I absolutely should not be binging on junk food before bed while we watch  5 episodes of the office, US version of course!

I need her to see that it's ok to be a bit curvy but at the same time to remain realistic about your health and how your lifestyle can effect your body, sugar and fat does not give as much energy as most healthy foods such as fruit because the sugar burns off fast and then you crash and mainly you are left craving more to keep you going.

So from now on there will be no more work out dvds, no more crying while the family have pizza and I eat nuts, and no more self loathing in the mirror while my daughter looks on. I could be the thinnest sexiest girl in the world and I'm sure I wouldn't be very healthy underneath all the superficialness. I'm sure that even as a size 8 I would still find SOMETHING about myself to hate.

This summer I will be wearing whatever the fuck I want and if people don't like it then thats too bad! Look away!

Sunday, 8 June 2014

I failed.... hitting restart!

ok I failed big time, I gave in to chocolate cake and cola! So I'm starting my 30 day challenge all a fresh! I got cocky when I lost 14lbs in a week and I should have remained focussed! So here we go again!

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Days 8, 9 and 10! (someone fell off the wagon!)

Yup, I throw my hands up! I fell off the weight loss wagon!

I was riding along and the Chinese food was like a giant speed bump that threw me off the wagon and into the land of chocolate, ice cream, sweets and chicken wings!!

I'm sorry! I know I've let myself down, but I think I needed a big kick up my fat backside to teach me not to let my guard down again!

You see when I took my sneaky scale peek and saw I had lost 15lbs I got a bit cocky! Oh look at me! I'm loosing weight fast I can eat what I want and do the exercise and still loose weight, kind of thing! Well I'm wrong! The last few day's I've put on 7lbs :( Taking me back up to 10st! Despite still doing the workouts, the myth is true!! You can exercise all you want but if you don't change your eating habits you aren't going to get very far!

Don't get me wrong my tummy is much flatter and my knees ache a lot more lol. So the exercise is working but to get that extra weight off I need to push hard and not be having thoughts of sneaky Chinese dinners and ice creams for desserts and since we're already breaking the diet let's have some coke and skittles too!! I will still be treating myself on a Saturday night but I'll be choosing 1 poison! either, or type of thing!

So here I am climbing back on the wagon, shame faced and dirty. Let's try again!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Day 7, fuck you all I'm getting chinese!

I'm sorry if you're hopes for my weight loss have been dashed! The reality is I'm human, I can not live my life on lettuce and water and so tonight I shall pig out on Chinese food, I've decided Saturday nights will be my cheat night! I need something to keep me going.

I will still be doing my workout on Saturdays and I've decided to do my weigh in on a Saturday before the great banquet of the feast of the dirty shameful food!

SO! da da DAAAAAAA!! Today is weigh in day! Last Saturday I weighed 70kg!! Today I weigh.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................(if this was tv I'ld probably chuck in an ad break here) ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 63kg!!


Yup I lost 7kg this week! That's huge I think... I'm not a big weight loosing person so I dont know but I think it's pretty darn great!

I still had a funny 5 this morning when I tried a size down in tops but my muffin top still bulged out a bit so I threw it to the floor and hunted out my size 12 instead :(

Also last night I fell asleep around 9pm without working out, I woke up at 12 and went up to bed only to get back up 10 minutes later because the guilt of no workout had me reaching for Jillian Michaels on Youtube, faster than you can say donuts! Aaron didn't have a clue what has happening haha!

Friday, 23 May 2014

Difficult day 6!

This morning I woke up and I could see the difference in my tummy! It is amazing I dont look pregnant any more I'm not flat but I'm skinny enough to feel comfortable wearing some of my tighter tops.

I'm getting through my exercises much better too. I think that since I'm lighter and my muscles are stronger I can do more and it feels much easier.

Planks were originally my worst nightmare but I was doing them wrong! I thought a plank was like a prolonged push up but its actually holding a position for a set amount of time and now those are my strongest exercise!

Tonight I'm feeling the pain! My family are celebrating my son's 6th birthday and I'm in here typing away to you guys, they all have pizza and it looks more amazing than ever and smells delicious too! I want to cry! I'm not kidding I want to go to bed and sob! I have a vegetable curry for dinner and some dark chocolate for later. I'm so upset. I asked Aaron to pick me up some chicken wings, I only wanted 2 from the box to add to my curry since I'm not really getting much meat in my diet lately, and he forgot!! I actually, in this moment, dislike the man! 2 chicken wings was all I ask and nope!

To make matters worse I had to make Lucas's birthday cake and it looks so yummy!



I know it's rather shit! My son loves it though! He wanted a lego cake but they don't sell one here so I made it. It's vanilla sponge with chocolate fudge middle and butter cream coating! I got some of the chocolate fudge on my finger and it was temptation like no other! I love loosing my fat gut but I miss those foods which is really fucking sad because who cries over chicken wings???!!!

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Day 5

Forgive me fellow bloggers for I have sinned! It has been just 1 day since my last confession but this morning I could no longer resist the pulling temptation of the bathroom scales! I'm not going to say how much I've lost here yet. I'm pretending it never happened and trying to block it from my memory.

Yesterday my diet went well I'm beginning to feel fuller faster and on smaller meals. I snack on munchy seed pots between meals and if I'm hungry after dinner then I have some rice cakes. I tried an innocent dinner pot last night and it was gorgeous. I had the vegetable chilli and 2 chicken kebab skewers,  I could only really manage one of the chicken things but I ate both lol.

Last night I only got half way through my exercise when my son got injured pretty bad and had to go to hospital. He got electrocuted by a light switch in our hallway, he is fine, luckily he doesn't have any burns or damage to his muscles so he got home at half three this morning. I'm really tired today and I'm still sick, my ear drum perforated last night too and I have zero energy so getting through the exercises today should be awesome fun!

I did manage my cardio work out dickhead dance for about 30 minutes and I've been sticking to my diet, however, and this is a huge however, tomorrow my son is turning 6 and we have agreed to letting him have a take out pizza for dinner! I'm also making his lego theme cake! This shall be a true test of will power and I better loose all my tummy fat for my efforts! My plan is to get in some dark chocolate and a low fat dinner just for me so while they are munching on pizza I have my dinner and hopefully that will tide me over. I've going to use the dark chocolate to sub the cake! Ahhhhhhh!! Why did I start my diet now?????

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

day 4

Today I'm feeling much better hoorah! I managed to do my challenge exercises and my cardio dickhead dance so I'm pleased with that!
Last night was a tough one for cravings! I was dying inside for chinese take away, chocolate ice cream and cola. Aaron had cake and biscuits which made life harder but I stuck to my diet andate my dark chocolate and snack a jacks.
This morning I am wearing a vest! Something I would usually avoid because I look pregnant in tight clothing. Don't get me wrong I'm not a stick but I dont look huge either. So Hooray for VEST day!